


Leap Of Faith

by donnawooza



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, someone uses homophobic slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 13:58:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8016736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnawooza/pseuds/donnawooza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When something happens to Dean and long buried secrets come to light can Dean take a leap of faith and trust that his brother and angel will catch him? Even if he is not the same Dean as he was?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leap Of Faith

**Author's Note:**

> someone uses a degrogatory term towards the boys I do not like homophobia in any way shape or form it was needed for this story

Dean carefully walked through the front door of the house, hearing the soft creak of the back door as his brother crept through it. The brothers were hoping to use the house as a base of operations while they tracked down the spirit that was haunting and hurting people in a school. He swore as he stepped in something that sent up a dust cloud that made him sneeze, not really looking to close at what it used to be. 

"You ok Dean?" Sam called with concern as he heard his brother sneeze again.

With a third sneeze and a sniff Dean managed to get himself under control, "Yeah Sammy, I'm fine just stood in something dusty. You think this place will do for a while?" 

Sam entered the room, looking over to where his brother was standing wiping his nose and grimaced, "It's not the best place we've stayed in but it's not the worst either." 

Dean laughed "Well we could always sleep in the Impala, Sammy." 

The laugh got louder as Dean noticed the grimace on his brothers face, "I agree Sam, dust beats stiff necks any day." 

The thought of sleeping in the car chased any worry about Dean sneezing from dust for the first time ever from Sam's mind. The two boys settled in and found out that it was the spirit of a janitor who had been abusing students that was doing the haunting, they found the place where he was buried, dug up the bones and burned them.

"Thank God that's done Sammy now lets get out of here and find a place with a shower. And a proper bed, I could sleep for a week." 

The only response was a grunt as Sam packed his stuff and they left the abandoned house without giving it a second thought. Unfortunately Sam will think back to this house and wish that they had realised something was off when Dean seemed allergic to dust.  
*********  
Entering the hotel room Sam swore out loud, "Goddammit Dean." 

This was getting ridiculous and he needed help.

"Cas, um Dean has disappeared for the third time this week and I'm getting worried." 

From behind him he heard a rustle of wings and turned to face the angel. 

"Thanks Cas, I really need help in figuring out what the hell is going on with Dean." 

The angel looked at Sam with concern in his eyes and what Sam thought was something deeper. 

"What do you mean Sam, what is wrong with Dean? And how could he have disappeared three times without you knowing." 

Sam blushed, as he tried to think of how best to explain what had happened. 

"Sam, start at the begining and tell me what is wrong with Dean and why you need help in finding him." 

Cas glared at the taller man and Sam swallowed before telling the angel the story. 

"It started about a month ago, we were on a hunt and decided to stay in an old house while we hunted this spirit. Dean stood in something that made him sneeze, something that has never happened before. I was worried but Dean distracted me and I forgot all about it. Then about 4 days ago I came home from the library to find Dean had gone. At first I thought he had gone on a supply run but when it got dark I got worried. I went out and found him in a diner eating pie and flirting with the waitress. At first he thought I had left Stanford and was worried I would miss too much school, then he remembered what had happened. The second time was two days ago I found him sitting in a park. He was talking to himself, or maybe to me, but it was a me that was younger. He was upset that I was leaving for Stanford and Dad and I were fighting about it. Dean got caught in the middle of our arguments. I never meant to hurt Dean but I did. I never knew how much Dad and I hurt him by fighting and how much I hurt him by leaving. He never blamed me or Dad. He blames himself for not being a better son, a better brother." 

Sam turned tear filled eyes up to Cas, "His exact words were, 'I'm sorry Sammy, please don't leave me. Dad needs you to stay. He needs his perfect son to stay. I'm not the one he wants. You are. I promise if you stay I'll be better. I'll try harder to be good. Please Sammy, please Dad please stop fighting. I'll be good. I won't do it again. I promise. Just please don't leave me." 

Sam's breath hitched as he choked back tears. "I don't know what he promised not to do again because I turned and walked away before he could see me. I watched him though and about an hour later he returned here like nothing had happened. And now today I came back from the library and he's gone. The Impala's still here and I'm worried about his state of mind." 

Sam wrapped his arms around himself, "I need to find him Cas and I have to show him that he is the best person I know."

 

Cas just looked at Sam as he finished, head tilted in confusion, "Dean sneezed, and now he is having memory problems."

Cas closed his eyes for a minute in thought, "We need to find him before something happens to him." 

He disappears for a moment before flashing back into the hotel room and flashing a shy smile at Sam. 

"I have found him, Sam. He is in a bar but there is something strange about him." 

Sam looked at the angel blankly, not understanding. Cas shrugged and with two fingers on Sam's forehead flashed them into the bar where Sam assumes they will find Dean. His eyes widen in shock as he looks around the bar and realizes that it is a gay club. He glances toward the dance floor, where a man is dancing, other men standing around to give him room. 

Cas nods his head toward the dancer, "That's Dean." 

Sam can feel his jaw drop as he watches his brother move. 

"That's Dean?" 

His eyes widened as he noticed Dean catch sight of the blue eyed angel standing next to him, watching as his brother stalked over to them. Sam didn't think that his brother could get any hotter, (he's got eyes, he knows his brother is attractive) but nearly swallowed his tongue as Dean's normal swagger turned into a predators slink, his whole body radiating sex and availability. As Dean drew closer Sam noticed that his green eyes were ringed with black eyeliner that made them even bigger and his lips were shiny with lip gloss making them even poutier. A white t-shirt clung to his arms and stomach before disappearing into a pair of black skinny jeans that clung to every part of Dean. On his feet were a pair black shiny Docs that reached his knees. He shook his head and turned to Cas only too notice that the angel seemed mesmerized by his brother. Dean reached them and laying a hand on the angels chest leaned forward and whispered something in his ear that made Cas blush. Pulling back slightly Dean notices Sam standing there. 

His eyes widen in shock as he stutters "S-s-sammy?" and Cas barely has time to catch the hunter as his eyes roll up and he faints. 

Looking around the club Sam grabs Cas's arm "Can you take us back to our hotel room please Cas? No one is watching us." 

Cas nods his head and holding Dean in one arm touches Sam with two fingers and they immediately appear in the hotel room. 

Cas lays Dean on his bed and turns to Sam, "I will wake him up, he has something he has to tell you before we can help him." 

Sam nods and Cas turns back to the bed. "Um, Cas?" Sam is curious about something that had happened, "What did Dean whisper to you in the club?"

Cas blushed again, "He, uh, he told me that normally he, um, charges for his services but for me he would do it for free." 

Sam choked at the statement, unable, or unwilling to admit to himself just what that would mean. 

"Sam, it is really up to Dean to tell you what it means. I will wake him up now and he needs you to understand. And not judge him." 

Sam swallowed hard and nodded his head, "Ok Cas, wake him up. He is my big brother and he was there for me when I was growing up I can be here for him now." 

Cas stared into Sam's eyes trying to see if Sam meant it. Seeing something in there that seemed to be what Cas needed, the angel stepped over to the bed and placed two fingers on Dean's head and gently woke the other man up. 

Green eyes stared around, "Cas, what?" 

Dean sat up and blushed when he noticed what he was wearing, "Cas what the hell?" 

Dean lifted his eyes and stared into Sam's, his colour deepening as his memories came back. 

"Shit Sammy, what the hell did I do?" 

He stood up, "Never mind, I remember," he pushed past Cas to get to the bathroom, "I need to shower and get this crap off me. Give me ten minutes then I'll explain everything Sam. I promise." 

Sam felt his heart break as he saw the sadness in his brothers eyes, "If you're still here that is. I won't blame you if you want to leave."

Dean grabbed some clean clothes and shut the door before Sam could reply. 

Turning to Cas Sam had to ask, "What the hell did Dean do that is so bad that he thinks I will leave him Cas?" 

The angel could only shrug "It was something he had to do that he is not proud of Sam. But he did it for a good reason, I hope you will remember that." 

Dean took 20 minutes in the shower not the 10 he promised but neither Sam nor Cas minded the extra time. 

Coming out of the bathroom Dean caught Cas's eye, "You already know don't you Cas." 

It was a statement not a question and the angel nodded, "I remade you when I pulled you from Hell Dean, I know everything about you and why you did it." 

He smiled at the hunter, "It makes no difference to me. Your soul is still pure." 

He glanced between the two brothers, "I will leave you in private to tell Sam. If you need me just call me Dean, I will come," 

Cas didn't wait for a reply and vanished in a rustle of wings. Dean shuffled over to his bed and sat down not looking at Sam. 

"I will understand if you want nothing to do with me after this Sammy," he started softly, "I wish I didn't have to tell you but I don't want anymore secrets between us." 

He took a deep breath and started his story.

"I started selling myself when I was 18," Dean heard Sam's shocked gasp and blushed, but continued on, "The first time it happened Dad had been away on hunt and he had just rang me to say he wouldn't be back for another week at least. We had enough money for food or rent but not both and then you needed new shoes." 

Dean smiled a little at that thought, "You had started growing, sasquatch and it seemed like every time I turned around you needed something else. I didn't know what to do. I knew that guys checked me out, since I was 16 I knew men wanted me, but I don't swing that way." 

He stopped and thought for a moment before shrugging, a slight smile on his face that had Sam wondering if it was for a certain angel. 

Dean continued without noticing Sam's expression, "I waited until you were asleep and then headed toward this bar that I noticed had a mainly male clientele and stood outside for nearly an hour. I kept changing my mind but in the end the thought of getting kicked out of the apartment we were in, shitty as it was, it was still better than the streets, made up my mind. I ordered a beer and noticed several guys check me out. One of them came up to me and I swallowed my pride," he smirked a little, "Five minutes later I was in the bathroom swallowing something else." 

Sam groaned, "I don't need all the sordid details Dean, seriously." 

Dean nodded soberly, "I never did anything else Sam, just blowjobs and handjobs and only when the money ran out. That night I earned enough to keep us in food and buy your new shoes. Thank God Dad came home and I didn't have to go back to that bar again. I didn't do it again for another 3 months. I got beaten a few times before I learnt that if I dressed a certain way I would attract the guys who would treat me right and not want to hurt me," he blushed. 

"I was always back before morning and Dad never knew. I did try to ask for more money but he always told me I was a man and I should be able to look after my little brother. So after a while I stopped asking and got on my knees when I needed to," his voice broke and Sam got up and place an arm around Dean's shoulder. 

"When did you stop Dean?" 

Dean was startled when he felt his brother hug him, "My last time was the night before you and Dad fought about going to Stanford. I thought at first that the both of you had found out about me. I was so relieved my secret was safe until I realized that you were leaving. I slipped the money I made into your bag before you left, I needed to know you would be alright and not ever have to be that desperate." 

Dean glanced up at Sam who hadn't moved, "I'll understand if you want to go Sam. Now if you don't mind I feel really tired all of a sudden." 

Sam stood up and looked at his brother, "Dean you did what you had to do. I'm glad you were there for me and thank you." 

He knelt down so he could look into his brothers eyes, "I found that money and wondered where it came from. If it hadn't been for that money I would have starved for the first month I was there." 

Sam smiled at Dean, "I'm glad to know my big brother looked out for me even if he wasn't there. Now you go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up." 

Dean half smiled and stripping down to t-shirt and boxer briefs slipped under the covers and was asleep before his head hit the pillow, not hearing Sam's soft "Damn Dad to hell for making you go through that by yourself, Dean. I'm gonna make it up to you somehow. I don't know how but no matter what I am going to be here for you."

Sam sat for a while thinking about Dean, how his big brother was always there for him, looking out for him. His first memory was looking into green eyes filled with love. He remembered how their Dad would make them sleep in the same bed when they were growing up. Sam never minded it because he had nightmares and on the rare occasions they had separate beds, Sammy had always ended curled up in Deans arms while still in his own bed. He realized that Dean always left his own warm bed to join Sam in his. He smiled as he remembered how Dean would grumble when Sam would put his cold feet on him, but would cuddle his little brother closer and not move away. Sam could never get his feet to warm and Dean always seemed to have more than his fair share of body heat. 

Whenever Sam had a nightmare he would always feel safer when he heard a whisper of "Sammy" and a nose that nuzzled his neck just where it met his shoulder. He can't remember why he told Dad that he wanted his own bed to sleep in when he turned 10, a vague feeling of I want to hurt Dean is present but he can't remember the details of why. He just recalls that after two weeks he was ready to apologize but Dean's eyes filled with hurt dried up all the words he wanted to say because no words could describe how sorry he was and then it was too late to say anything. He would never admit this to anyone but he never slept the same again. Sam yawns and strips down to his own boxers and t-shirt, vague thoughts of small Dean warm love the last things he can remember before sleep overtook him. 

He heard a whispered "Sammy" and felt a familiar nuzzle and for the first time since he was 10 he slept without nightmares. 

Several hours later he groaned as the sunlight streaming through the hotel room window hit him in the face. He tried to roll over only to find an unfamiliar but at the same time familiar heat beside him. He opened his eyes and nearly screamed when he saw the reason for the heat source next to him. The only way he kept silent was because he didn't want the small boy laying beside him, looking at him with green eyes he knew better than his own, to be frightened.

Sam couldn't stop the squeak of surprise that escaped him when Castiel suddenly appeared in the room in front of them. And he certainly didn't mean to make the shocked sound when the little boy, who was wearing the same shirt his brother had gone to sleep in, took one look at the new arrival and in one motion stood up on the bed and leaped toward the angel with a happy cry of "Cas", with the absolute confidence that he would be caught. 

Sam was surprised when Cas held out his arms and caught the boy who proceeded to curl up and stick his thumb in his mouth, seemingly content to stare at Sam from the angels arms. He had a flashback when he used to do the exact same thing, except he would call "Dean" and never once did his brother drop him. 

Sam looked at the pair in front of him, "Dean?" and when the little boy just nodded, he did mean the groan that escaped him. 

"Cas what the he-" he broke off when he noticed the glare the angel was giving him while nodding down at the wide eyed little person in his arms. 

"Sorry, what is happening here? I went to sleep with a big brother in the next bed and I wake up with a little brother curled up next to me." 

Cas sat down on the other bed and Dean promptly slid off his lap and sat next to him. 

"Sammy, I'm hungry." 

Dean removed his thumb from his mouth and whispered, as if he was frightened that Sam would yell at him. Sam's heart broke as he realized that he had scared the little boy before, not knowing until just then that he must have been shouting. 

"I'm sorry Dean," he slid out of bed and knelt down in front of Dean, "Did I scare you before?"

The little boy nodded and his thumb found it's way back into his mouth. 

Sam held out his arms "Can I have a cuddle please? I feel really bad that I scared you and cuddles always made me feel better." 

The little boy looked at him and then nodded before slipping off the bed and into Sam's lap. 

Winding his arms around Sam's neck Dean whispered in his ear, "They made me feel better too Sammy." 

Sam exchanged glances with Cas, who mouthed the words "Later." 

Sam nodded and returning his attention back to his brother, "You said you were hungry Dean?" and when the little boy nodded, decided that they would go out for breakfast. 

"Sammy, I want Cas to come too, please?" 

Sam decided that when they got Dean back to normal he would seriously punch his brother in the mouth the next time Dean complained about Sam using puppy dog eyes. Because Sam obviously learned from the master.

Sam looked at Cas but spoke to Dean, "You'll have to ask Cas if he wants to come Dean" and laughed when Dean turned his eyes on the angel.

"You will come, won't you Cas. Please?" 

Sam laughed harder when Cas attempted to say a "No" that quickly changed to a "Yes, fine Dean, I'll come just stop doing that" when the eyes were quickly joined by a lower lip quiver. 

Dean squiggled out of Sam's arms and back into Cas's, his hand tangling in the blue tie. 

"I love you Cas," wide green eyes looked from Cas to Sam, "And I love you too Sammy. Now can we get some breakfast please. I'm really hungry." 

Sam stood up, "Give me a second to get some pants on first Dean," his eyes taking in his brothers attire, "And then we may have to go shopping for some more clothes for you." 

He glanced at the angel "Cas, do you think you could get some clothes that fit him a little better please. He can't go out in that, we don't need some person calling child services on us." 

The angel looked down at the small boy in his lap and nodded, "Dean, can you stay here with your brother for a minute. I promise I will be back soon." 

Dean thought for a moment before nodding and sliding onto the bed. 

"Dean, you will have to let go off my tie." 

Cas smiled as the hand let go reluctantly, and he had a thought. 

Taking his tie off and handing it to Dean he asked, "Would you feel better if I left this with you until I got back?" and was rewarded with a huge smile. 

He ruffled the spiky blond hair and vanished with a rustle of wings as Dean carefully held the tie in his hands. Sam had pulled his jeans and jacket on and sat down next to Dean. 

"What would you like for breakfast Dean?" 

The small boy looked up and Sam hid a grin as he noticed the small tongue run over a bottom lip, a habit that Sam was accustomed to seeing a bigger version do all the time. 

"Can we have pancakes please Sammy? I like pancakes," worried eyes turned up to Sam's, "But I will eat anything Sammy. I promise I will be good and not complain if it's not pancakes." Sam felt his heart break as he realized what that statement revealed. 

"Can I tell you a secret Dean?" Sam leaned down close and whispered to his brother, "I like pancakes with chocolate chips in them."

He was knocked back by a little body leaping on him in excitement, "I like chocolate chips too Sammy." 

Sam was again assaulted by a memory of himself doing the exact same thing to Dean, the first time Sam asked for pancakes and worried that Dad would say no. He tried not to think bad thoughts of his father but when Dean promised he would be good and not complain made him wish he could have 5 minutes with the man and punch him for putting Dean through so much shit. He thought back to a couple of days ago when he stumbled across Dean in the park, Dean saying he would be good if Sam wouldn't leave and his heart broke all over again. He promised himself that he would try to give Dean everything he asked for, to make it up to his brother. His mind stopped at that thought and he wondered if that could be what happened to his brother. Making a mental note to ask Cas when Dean couldn't hear he turned his attention back to his brother. He wondered if his brother was still ticklish and crooking his fingers dug them into the little boy's ribs. He was rewarded by shrieks of contagious laughter in his ear, a sound that he hadn't heard in years. Cas flashed back into the room and looked at the laughing pair on the bed and smiled at how happy Dean looked. Cas had wished for so long to see the look of self loathing gone from Dean but he still wished it could have happened another way. 

After a couple of minutes he interrupted them, "Dean, I have come back, even though it looks like you didn't miss me as much as I thought," he smiled at the little boy to show he was teasing, "I have some clothes for you and as soon as you're dressed we can get breakfast." 

Dean squirmed away from Sam and leaped at Cas, who again proved the little boy's trust was deserved as he caught him in a hug, "Thanks Cas, Sammy said we could chocolate chip pancakes," he ducked his head shyly, "I said I would like pancakes but I wouldn't mind if Sammy wanted something else but Sammy said he likes chocolate chip ones too." 

Dean looked up at Cas and then at Sam, "Sammy is the bestest brother ever," and squirming out of the angels arms held up his own arms. 

"Could someone please help me get dressed, coz I really am very hungry." 

His voice lowered, "I'm sorry I can't do it by myself. I promise I'l try harder."

Sam exchanged glances with Cas before standing up and helping Dean get dressed, "It's ok Dean, it took me a little while before I could dress by myself." 

Sam took a deep breath and took a chance, "In fact my awesome big brother taught me how to do it and he never ever got mad at me. No matter how many times he had to show me the same thing over and over." 

Dean looked at him with wide eyes, "Really Sammy? He never got mad? Ever?" 

Sam shook his head, just when he thought his heart couldn't hurt any more Dean said something else that showed him it could. 

"Never, ever Dean. He loved me and I loved him." 

Sam felt a little hand on his face, "Don't be sad Sammy, I know I'm not him but I love you." 

Sam cuddled the little boy so Dean couldn't see the tears in his eyes, "I love you too Dean, and if I can have your awesome cuddles I don't think I'll be sad. Now how about we get you dressed and get chocolate chip pancakes." 

The little boy jumped up and down in excitement and let Sam dress him before grabbing Cas and Sam's hands and dragging them to the door. Sam had a split second to wonder if little Dean shared big Dean's love of the Impala before the door opened and discovered that it seemed that no matter what size or age Dean would love his Baby. Dean took one look at the gleaming car and letting go of the hands he was holding ran towards it and lovingly stroked the side.

"Sammy, please tell me we can drive in this car? Ppppllleeeaaassseee?" 

Green puppy dog eyes turned towards him and Sam laughed, "Yes Dean, this car belongs to my awesome big brother and sometimes he lets me drive it. And I know he would be thrilled to know that you love it as much as he does." 

Dean's eyes got wider and he could barely wait for Sam to unlock the door so he could get in. He squirmed so much in excitement that Sam had to tell him three times that if he didn't sit still and let Sam buckle him up they couldn't get pancakes before they could drive to the diner. When they arrived at the diner Dean grabbed both Cas and Sam by the hand and walked between them. 

When they got to the booth Sam asked who he wanted to sit next to and Dean scrunched up his face in thought before saying, "Cas please Sam, if you don't mind." 

Sam smiled at him and helped him slide into the seat before sitting opposite him, Cas sitting beside him. 

The waitress came over to take their order and Dean smiled at her before he asked for "3 plates of chocolate chip pancakes please, and maple syrup?" he glanced at Sam a question in his voice. 

Sam smiled again "Yes Dean, you can have maple syrup on your pancakes." 

Cas frowned and was about to speak when he felt someone kick him under the table. He looked over at Sam who was frowning and nodding at Dean who was smiling happily at the thought of pancakes. Cas's face cleared as he understood that Dean didn't remember that Cas didn't need to eat but Sam didn't want to explain to the 3 year old why. Cas grimaced a little when the food arrived but noticing green eyes watching him, sighed and started to eat. 

Dean bounced happily when Sam poured the syrup and cut up his pancakes for him and taking a big bite turned to Cas to ask "Good hey Cas?" 

Cas smiled down at him and nodded, "Yes they are Dean, thank you for ordering them for me." 

Sam nudged Cas under the table and when Cas looked at him mouthed a silent "Thank you," to him.

Cas shrugged "I don't mind Sam. He hasn't been this happy in years." 

He broke off as he noticed Dean looking at them, "Dean," he teased the little boy, "If you are not going to eat them, I might have to eat them for you." 

Sam laughed as Dean wrapped his little hand protectively around his plate and ate his pancakes while ignoring the adults. Finishing up, Sam took Dean to the bathroom to clean up while Cas paid the bill. Walking out Dean grabbed both their hands again and Sam had no trouble buckling him to the car this time. Sam drove them to a second hand store so they could buy Dean a couple changes of clothes, Sam not wanting to spend to much money when he didn't know how long Dean would be a child, but realising he would need a change of clothes because after breakfast he discovered that Dean was a messy eater. They entered the shop and Dean let go of their hands (he was fast getting into the habit of holding both Sam and Cas's hands) and wandered over to the toys after glancing at Sam with an unspoken question in his eyes. 

"Yes Dean, you can go look but don't go anywhere else OK?" Sam answered him and smiled when the little boy just nodded as he walked off. 

Finding a couple of jeans and t-shirts that would fit Sam went to the shoes and swore as he was confronted by shelves of different sizes and shapes of footwear. He came to the conclusion that he was going to have to try a couple pairs on his brother and went to find him. Sam walked up behind him and was stunned when the little boy jumped and quickly put the toy he was holding down. 

"I'm sorry Sammy. I didn't mean to touch it. I don't want it really. I'm a big boy now and I don't need stupid stuffed toys." 

Dean looked down at the ground but Sam could hear the break in his voice and knew that his brother was trying hard not to cry. Sam glanced around and finding Cas asked him if he would mind taking Dean out to the car so Sam could buy the clothes. Cas took one look at the heartbroken little boy and the grim expression on Sam's face and knowing what was going through the taller man's mind agreed. 

Cas held out his arms, "Dean, I am not used to shopping and I would like to go to the car and wait for Sam. But I think I would feel a little bit better if you would come with me. And maybe I could carry you and you can give me one of your awesome cuddles to help me feel better." 

Dean lifted tear filled eyes and nodded lifting his own arms so he could be carried. He wrapped his little arms around the angels neck and Sam watched as his brother automatically nuzzled into Cas's neck, with the same gesture that Sam could remember Dean using when Sam woke from a nightmare.

Watching the pair walk out of the store Sam returned his attention to the toy that Dean had replaced. Cursing his father under his breath yet again, he picked up the toy and noticing it was a squirrel smiled and added it to the pile of clothes he already had. He paid for his items and making a mental note that they still needed to get shoes headed out to the car. He smiled when he saw Cas sitting in the back seat with Dean curled up in his lap, one hand twisted in the tie the angel had replaced before leaving the hotel room. Before opening the door he removed the squirrel from the bag and hid it behind his back. 

Placing the bag of clothes on the floor he slid into the back seat next to the other pair and smiled at his brother, "I have something for you Dean." Dean sat up and his eyes widened when he noticed Sam holding out the stuffed animal to him. 

"You mean I can really have it?" 

Dean just looked at Sam with stunned surprise and didn't reach for the toy until Sam laid it in his arms, then he clutched it to his chest before he slid of Cas's lap and into Sam's. 

A little arm went around his neck and Sam felt the familiar nuzzle and a whispered "Thank you Sammy." 

Choking back his own tears Sam returned the hug before telling him they had to go back into the shop to get some shoes. And as soon as they were bought and on the little boy's feet, they had to walk to the grocery store to buy some things for lunch. Dean agreed but only if Cas walked beside them so Dean could see him. 

They bought a few lunch items and walked back to the Impala. Dean sat quietly as Sam buckled him and Sam asked him if he was alright and when Dean just said he felt sleepy Sam told him he could have a nap when they got back to the hotel if he could stay awake for a little while longer. Nodding his head Dean cuddled his squirrel and let Sam finish buckling him in. 

Reaching the hotel Cas carried a half asleep Dean into the room and laid him gently on the bed but before he could move away Dean sleepily pulled on the angels trenchcoat, "Can you sit with me please Cas?" 

Cas looked down at half closed green eyes and sat down beside the small child. Sighing with pleasure Dean curled closer and with one hand still holding his squirrel and one hand wrapped around Cas's tie, dropped off into sleep with a smile on his face.

Sam entered the room and glancing at his brother and the angel on the bed just laughed as he put the groceries away. Sitting on the opposite bed he stared at Cas but before he could ask the angel started speaking. 

"I guess we have to talk about what happened to him. It was caused by a corrupted cursed object that also had a spell placed on it." 

The angel glanced down at the sleeping child next to him, "Unfortunately a witch decided that it would be a good idea to try and add a spell to a cursed object. It killed the witch and the object was whole but decayed until he walked on it then it turned to dust which he breathed in. The cursed object was meant to take shameful memories and make a person relive them and the spell was meant to remove those memories. The curse was still active as you have seen, the spell also worked, but just not the way it was supposed too. It has removed most of his memories but the corruption has also added a twist. If I am not mistaken you were upset by Dean's confession last night?" 

Cas waited for Sam's nod of agreement before he continued, "And if I may ask what did you think about after you were told?" 

Sam sighed looking sadly at his brother who was still sleeping, "I told him that it wasn't his fault and I thanked him for looking angry at Dad for forcing that on him and I would make it up to him some how. And then for some reason I found myself remembering how he was always there for me. I used to have nightmares as a child and he always made me feel safe. We shared the same bed until I was 10 and he never ever complained. He would let me put my cold feet on him, he's always warm, and he complained but he cuddled me closer, never pushed me away or left me. I thought of how it was my fault we stopped sharing a bed, I can't remember why but I know I wanted to hurt him for some reason. And then I couldn't find the words to ask him to forgive me and I still regret ever doing that. I have never slept the same way since. My last thoughts just a vague feeling of being small loved warm and him."

Sam frowned, "Actually Cas I did have a thought earlier that maybe me wanting to make up for all the shit that Dad and I put on him caused this." 

Cas stared at the taller man and nodded his head, "Yes Sam, I think we can assume that his regression to this age may have been caused in part by your feelings. But it is the curse/spell that has caused his earlier behaviour and his memory problems. I am afraid that he wasn't treated very well as a small child, never physically punished but not allowed to be a child. He learnt very early on to do as he was told with no complaining." 

Sam frowned as he thought back to a few things Dean had said and done, "Is that why he told me he promised he would be good and not complain and try harder to learn to dress himself? And why he cried when he told me he was big and didn't want the toy even though I knew he did?" 

Castiel looked at the floor but Sam noticed that the angel had placed an arm protectively around the small boy. 

"I am sorry to say yes Sam, he used to have something very like this when he actually was this age. He loved it because your mother gave it to him when you were born, saying it was a present from his little brother. He left it behind by accident in a hotel when he was 5 and he wasn't allowed to go back in for it because your father had no money to pay the bill. He cried for a month until he got told that he was a big boy and he didn't need a stupid stuffed toy." 

Cas stopped when he felt Dean stir, and looking down was greeted by a big smile and a "Hey Cas, I'm glad you stayed." 

Dean sat up and looked over to Sam and climbing over the angel went to stand in front of his brother. Holding up his arms he silently demanded to be picked up and Sam obliged him. 

"Why are you sad Sammy?" the little boy squirmed around until he was facing Sam. 

Not knowing what to say Sam just hugged his brother, "I just found out something about my big brother that I didn't know and it made me sad for him. But I feel better now that I can cuddle you." 

He pulled back a little to look Dean in the face, "Did I tell you that you have awesome cuddles?" 

Sam laughed as he watched his brother blush and nod shyly. 

Dean turned around so his back was against Sam's chest and he stared at Cas for a minute before asking, "Are you sad too Cas? Coz you look sad and it makes me feel sad."

Cas glanced over at the pair with a surprised look, "No Dean, I am not sad. I am happy to be here with you. Now what will make you happy."  
Dean stuck a thumb in his mouth and thought. Cas exchanged a look with Sam, both recalling how older Dean always had a pen in his mouth when he needed to think. 

"Could we go to a park please Sammy? And could Cas come too?" Sam hugged the little boy again, "We can do whatever you want Dean. And remember I told you that you have to ask Cas if he wants to come." 

Feeling the little body tense and cursing his thoughtlessness quickly spoke again, "I'm not angry Dean, and if you forgot that's fine. Cas might like it better if you asked him to come with us." Dean relaxed and clambered off Sam's lap to stand on the bed beside him. Steadying himself with one hand on Sam's shoulder, Dean looked at Cas and leaped off the bed toward the angel. 

Cas stood up, opened his arms and caught the flying body in one smooth motion, "Can you come to the park Cas? Please?" 

Cas made the mistake of looking down and groaned inwardly as he met green puppy dog eyes. 

"Of course I can come to the park Dean." 

Sam was laughing at Cas's face as he headed toward the door, "You two coming or what?" 

And laughed even harder as Dean tugged on Cas's tie to try and make him move faster. 

Ten minutes later the two men were watching an ecstatic Dean play tag with a couple of other kids that were there. The mother of the pair introduced herself to them and they sat talking while the three kids played. After about an hour the woman called her children and they left. Dean stayed running around for a little while longer enjoying the freedom and Sam took advantage of the privacy to ask Cas how they could restore Dean to his normal age. 

The angel looked worried, "I am not sure Sam, this is something that shouldn't have happened." 

They both glanced up as they heard an excited shrieking come closer, "Sammy, Cas I saw a man selling ice-cream. Can I have one please?" and they both laughed as they noticed that even running flat out Dean could still manage to have puppy dog eyes. 

Standing up and grabbing his brother Sam tossed him in the air before catching him, delighting in the uninhibited sound of Dean's laughter. Wanting to hear it again Sam threw him up again and the laugh grew louder. Dean's laugh proved to be contagious and with a third toss all three of them were laughing like maniacs. Setting the still giggling little boy on his feet Sam agreed to get an ice cream and grabbing a hold of both adults hands Dean dragged them to where he noticed the ice-cream seller.

After eating ice-cream in the park the three of them headed back to the car. Just before they reached it Dean suddenly started apologising and saying he couldn't get in the car because he had gotten ice-cream all over himself and he didn't want to get the car dirty. Sam and Cas both knelt down in front of the crying little boy and tried to convince him it was fine. Sam eventually got up and stalked away before he said something he knew would upset his brother even more. He swore under his breath, wishing (again) that he could have just 5 minutes with his father so he could punch him in the face for brainwashing his son into thinking it was a crime to be a normal little boy who made a mess while eating. 

Finally calming himself down he headed back to his brother and Cas to find the child crying hysterically his face buried in Cas's shoulder and the angel glaring at Sam. 

"It's all right Dean," Sam heard the angel saying, "Sam's not angry with you. It's not your fault he left. He's not going to blame you little one. Of course Sam will be back baby boy. He loves you." 

Sam knelt down beside the angel and reached out for Dean, "Hey Dean, Cas is right. I love you and it's not your fault." 

He was cut off by a small body hurtling into his arms and nuzzling into his neck. He could barely understand the words his brother was saying but he heard enough to know Dean was saying sorry he made Sam mad. 

Clutching the small boy tighter Sam just whispered "I love you baby boy. It's not your fault." 

He just repeated it over and over again until he felt the tears stop and turn into hiccups. He stood up while still cradling his brother and turning to Cas motioned to the car. Dean pulled back from Sam and reached out to Cas. Nuzzling into Cas's neck Dean hiccuped once more and promptly fell asleep.

Reaching the car Sam unlocked it, "Cas, can you sit in the back with Dean please? And thank you. I just got so mad I had to leave before I said something to upset him. But it seems I did that anyway. What the hell happened to him that would make him freak out like that anyway." 

Cas slid in the backseat carefully holding the sleeping bundle in his arms replied "He was afraid he did something to upset you because you left him." 

Unspoken was the word 'again', "I told you that he lost most of his memory but what you have to understand is that most of what he remembers concerns you." 

Cas glared at Sam, "You left him before and that was one of his last flashbacks before he changed and you wonder why he is upset?" 

Cas glanced down at Dean, softening slightly as the boy whimpered a little, "Sshh, little one, I'm here," and he placed the toy squirrel in Dean's arms smiling slightly when Dean wrapped one hand around his squirrel and the other tangled in his tie.  
*****************

A week later Sam was again thankful that it was his big brother who raised him instead of his actual father when he was woken by the muffled whimpers of the little boy beside him. He opened his eyes and sat up to find a terrified Dean biting his fist in an attempt to stop himself screaming. Sam reached out and pulled his brother into his arms and felt around until he found Dean's squirrel. Placing the toy in the boy's arms Sam knew that it would take a few minutes for Dean to relax. 

He just sat and softly whispered "I'm here baby boy. I'm not leaving." 

He had learned the first few times it had happened that Dean's nightmares always consisted of the fear that Sam had left him. He had also remembered that Dean had called him baby boy when he was little only stopping when Sam had threatened to tell Dad about all the times Dean left him alone in the hotel room. He regrets it now like he regrets a lot of his actions but he pushes that down because his brother needs him, and he promised Dean he would make it up to him somehow. 

Feeling his brother relax, Sam lay him back down on the bed and laid back down beside him. He wrapped his arms around Dean and felt the familiar nuzzle as Dean drifted back to sleep. Sam lay in the dark thinking about how Dean seemed to know how Sam was having a nightmare before he made a sound and was always there for him. Thinking back over the past week Sam again cursed his father as he realized yet again that Dean had taught himself not to scream out loud and disturb anyone when he had a nightmare. He also wondered not for the first time if Dean liked sleeping next to him so Dean would feel safe. And that was why he looked so hurt when Sam bitched about sharing a bed. Sam knew that older Dean barely slept more than 4 hours a night and some times not even that and had a terrifying thought that it might have been that way since Dean was 14. 

Sam cursed softly under his breath as a soft voice broke the silence, "Yes Sam, Dean has rarely slept a full night through since then. And he knew you were having nightmares because most of the time he was awake after having his own. He could fall asleep again because he knew you were safe, that's one reason why he never complained about your cold feet. It proved to him that you were real. Your father would get angry at Dean if his sleep was disturbed so Dean taught himself not to scream when he had a nightmare." 

Cas sat on the other bed and looked over at the pair with a sad look in his eyes. Sam recalled the little boy biting his fist and shuddered as he realized that his big brother had learned to do that years ago so he wouldn't disturb the one person who should have been the first to protect and comfort him. Sam wrapped his arms around his brother and snuggled him close smiling a little as Dean murmured sleepily and nuzzled into Sam.

"Thank you Cas, will we see you in the morning?" 

Cas laughed softly at the question, "Of course Sam, do you think Dean would be happy with me if I DIDN'T show up tomorrow?" 

Sam laughed and cuddled Dean closer as he stirred at the noise, "All right then Cas, I'm going back to sleep now if you don't mind?" 

Cas just nodded and vanished in a rustle of wings as Sam shut his eyes and drifted back to sleep.  
***********

Next morning he was awakened by the ususal "Hey Sammy!" and the feel of a little body climbing over him. He rolled on to his back and lifted his knees knowing that Dean would need some help balancing and opening his eyes as he heard an excited "Cas" watched as his brother leaped off the bed even though the angel hadn't yet appeared. He closed his eyes not worried as the past weeks experience proved that Cas would appear as soon as Dean jumped and catch the little boy and a happy giggle proved that yet again Cas showed that Dean's trust was well founded. 

Sam laughed as he heard Cas grunt, "One of these days Dean, you will jump and I might not catch you. Or you'll get too heavy and I'll drop you."

Dean giggled louder and wrapping his arms around the angels neck, "No you won't Cas, because I trust you. And you're my angel and really, really strong." 

He placed a kiss on the angels cheek, "And you haven't once dropped me. And I love you." 

Dean grinned, "And you could probably catch Sammy if you wanted to." 

Cas could see the older version of Dean in the little boy's cheeky smile and felt his heart melt a little more. 

Dean leaned back in the angels arms and glanced back at Sam, "Can we go for breakfast now please Sammy? I'm hungry." 

Both adults laughed, "Dean you're always hungry. Give me a few minutes to get dressed and ask Cas nicely if he would help you get dressed and we'll go get..." Sam, Cas and Dean finished the sentence together, "CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES!" 

Dean giggled again and turned big green eyes to Cas, "Could you please help me get dressed Cas?" as if he hadn't asked the same question every day for the past week. 

Cas looked seriously at the little boy and pretended to think, "I don't know Dean," he turned to Sam, "I don't think I feel very hungry this morning Sam, do you?" 

Sam turned away to hide a grin at the sad expression on his brothers face, "You know what Cas, I'm not hungry myself. I think we could just stay here for a while." 

Dean wrapped his arms around the angels neck and kissed his cheek again, "Please Cas, please?" 

Dean added the pouty bottom lip to the puppy eyes, "I love you Cas, you and Sam are the bestest ever." 

Cas smiled and hugged Dean, "Of course I'll help you Dean, you know that."

Dean squiggled happily in the angels arms as he giggled, "Of course I do Cas coz you and Sam love me too. Coz I'm adorable." 

Sam nearly choked on his laughter, obviously his brother had a huge ego no matter what his age. Cas put the little boy down who walked over to Sam, who handed him his clothes to give to Cas. Sam watched as the pair got Dean dressed and he hurried into the bathroom to get himself ready. Sam, Cas and Dean headed out the door Dean holding both their hands as was his habit. 

Over the past week the three of them had gotten in to the habit of walking to the diner, saying hello to the people they had made friends with. Or rather the people that Dean had made friends with and made sure his brother and angel knew too. 

Entering the diner the waitress smiled as they walked in,"Hey cutie, 3 Chocolate Chip Pancakes and syrup right?" ruffling the soft blond hair as Dean blushed at the compliment. 

"Yes please Wanda," Dean nodded and scrambled into their normal booth and waited for Cas to slide in next to him. 

He snuggled next to Cas and in a familiar move grabbed the angels tie while waiting for their food. 

Sam and Cas exchanged glances and a softly whispered conversation, "Why does he do that Cas?" Sam nodded to the little hand holding the tie, "For the past week I've noticed that he does that whenever you're near him." 

Cas glanced down at the little hand gripping his tie, "Subconsciously he wants to make sure I can't leave him. He knows it doesn't make a difference but he feels better," 

Cas smiled, "I don't mind either, it makes me feel better too." 

Wanda placed three plates of pancakes down in front of them and added a jug of syrup, "There you go boys enjoy." 

Dean gave her his trademark flirty smile, "Thank you Wanda, you're the best." 

Sam hid a smile behind his hand as he watch the older woman blush, he had wondered if Dean had always been a natural born flirt or if he learned it. From the look of the flustered woman Sam got his answer, it was all natural charm. 

After eating the three of them exited the diner, Sam asking Dean what he wanted to do next as they walked along. 

Before the boy could answer a man walked past them and taking one look at them frowned and sneered "Faggots." 

Sam was looking down at Dean when the man insulted them and watched the excited smile on his brothers face turn to sadness and if Dean hadn't tightened his grip would have gone after the man to punch him. 

"Don't please Sammy, can we just go back to the hotel room now." 

Sam knelt down in front of his brother, "Do you feel alright Dean?" 

The little boy nodded, "I'm fine Sammy, I just feel a little tired." 

Sam placed a hand on Dean's forehead, "You do feel a bit a warm, maybe you are coming down with a cold. OK if you want we'll go back." 

Sam stood up again and Dean lifted his arms up, "Sammy, could you carry me please?" 

Sam lifted his brother up and felt him snuggle into his neck, and exchanging looks with the angel headed to the hotel. Entering the room Sam laid Dean down on the bed and Cas automatically laid down next to him. 

Dean looked around and Sam handed him his squirrel, "Thank you Sammy, can we watch cartoons please? Will you watch cartoons with me please Cas?" 

Dean asked as he did every time they went to watch the television. 

"Of course we can Dean, I like watching cartoons with you." 

Cas lifted his arm so Dean could snuggle into the angels side. Sam sat at the table and opened his laptop after turning on the TV. He watched as Dean hugged the toy with one hand and wrapped his hand around Cas's tie with the other. Sam felt concern as Dean shut his eyes and buried his face in Cas's side instead of watching television. After exchanging looks with Cas, who just shrugged carefully, Sam returned to his week long search for a cure for Dean. 

After an hour Cas spoke, "He's asleep Sam. And I'm not sure if he understood what that man meant when he called us that." 

Sam looked up from the computer with an angry frown, "I just wish Dean didn't have to hear such hate. No one should hear such hate." 

Cas frowned, "Hate exists Sam. I wish no one had to hear it either." 

He nodded toward the computer, "How goes the search for a cure?" 

Sam glared at the unoffending laptop, "Not good, I can't find anything at all." 

He slammed the lid shut, "Does Dean feel hot?" 

Sam crossed over to the bed and looked down at the sleeping body, "He felt a little warm before. I hope he isn't getting sick." 

He sat down on the opposite bed with a worried look. 

Cas lifted a hand and gently ran it over Dean's forehead, "No more than normal Sam. He is more sensitive than he admits and I think that man upset him more than he wants to say." 

Sam sighed and returned to the table, "I know Cas, and I wish he wouldn't hold it in." 

Opening the laptop again Sam returned to the search and Cas watched Dean sleep. 

After a few minutes Sam returned his gaze to his sleeping brother who was curled into the angel and had to ask, "Does it make you feel uncomfortable Cas?" 

The angel looked over at the other man with a puzzled frown on his face. 

Sam elaborated, "Dean's cuddles and hand holding." 

Cas glanced down at the little boy currently curled up next to him, "No Sam, it is just Dean's nature. He was always a naturally affectionate child. Don't you remember when you were small Sam? Dean was always being ready to hug you no matter where you or he was." 

Sam thought back and memories came flooding back, Dean on his first day of school, Dad holding Sam as he watched his big brother leave him for the first time he could remember. Sam calling out his brothers name and holding out his arms couldn't help whining a little as Dean reached into the car and pulled out his backpack before turning back to the school. Again and again Dean returned to the car always forgetting something, his books, his lunch and then his pencil case before finally turning back and finally "Oh I almost forgot the most important thing," and grabbing Sammy who was almost in tears and hugging him, "Sammy's cuddle." 

Then the longest day of his life before watching his big brother run from school and immediately scooping up Sam and squeezing him tight. Sam smiled as he recalled that even through the years, no matter how big or who was with him, the first and last thing Dean did was hug his little brother. Sam frowned as he remembered that he was the one who started pulling away first. It was his first day of school and Dean had just dropped him off at the classroom and as usual left with a "Bye Sammy" cuddle. He felt good until a slightly bigger kid started teasing him and calling him a baby. That was the start, when Dean started to reach out Sam started moving away, ignoring the look of hurt in Deans's eyes. It didn't take long for Dean to get the hint and he stopped cuddling Sam. And not long after that refused to talk about his feelings, calling them chick flick moments and bottling them up. 

Sam returned to the present, only just realizing how much he missed Dean's easy affection and even more surprisingly the nickname baby boy, "You said there was another reason Dean didn't complain about my cold feet. Is it so Dean was able to cuddle me without me complaining?" 

Cas nodded sadly, "Yes, I am afraid so Sam, Dean knew the only way you would allow him to show his love for you was at night. And that's why he was so hurt when you told your dad you wanted your own bed. He felt you were rejecting his love." 

Sam frowned as he realized just how much he hurt his brother over the years and promised himself that he would show more affection to the little boy his brother was now.

After a couple of hours Dean woke up and asked for a sandwich and much to Sam's relief seemed like he was back to normal. 

"Can we go back to the park please Sammy? I feel a lot better now and I don't want to watch cartoons any more," 

Dean shyly looked at Cas, "Unless you want to watch some more Cas?" 

Castiel ruffled the blond hair, "I would very much like go to the park Dean," 

Cas glanced at Sam, "And if Sam doesn't want to come along we will have more fun without him." 

Dean giggled and looked at Sam too, "Yeah Cas, Sammy isn't as good at fun as..."

Dean's sentence was cut off by more giggles as Sam had stalked over and was unmercifully tickling the little boy. 

"Who is more fun Dean? Me or Cas?" 

Sam smiled as Dean giggled louder and tried to squirm away from the fingers in his ribs, "Tell me Dean or I'll keep tickling you." 

Dean managed to get out a muffled, "Sammy's better," before the laughter took over again. 

Sam gave Cas a triumphant look, "See Cas, Dean thinks I'm more fun." 

Dean had managed to climb into the angels lap and he shook his head, "Uh uh Sammy, Cas is better." 

He shrieked and tried to bury himself in Cas's trenchcoat as Sam wiggled his fingers threatiningly. 

"I'm sorry Sammy, you are." 

Dean peeked out and smiled at his brother before whispering to Cas, "But you are really Cas." 

And dissolved into more giggles as Sam tickled him again. 

Several minutes later the three of them headed out of the door and headed to the park, the little boy still giggling and chanting "Cas is more fun than Sammy is. Sammy is more fun than Cas," all the way there. 

Sam smiled down at Dean, "Make up your mind baby boy, who is more fun me or Cas?" 

Dean smiled widely, green eyes shining, "I'm the most fun, then Cas then you coz you cheated when you tickled me." 

Dean let go of their hands and ran off laughing at Sam's face. 

"You're lucky we're at the park baby boy and have room to run because I'm going to make you sorry you said that," Sam laughed as he chased his brother. 

Dean ran faster and called back, "You won't because Cas will save me. Won't you Cas?" 

The angel shook his head and joined in the chase, "I don't think so Dean, because you said I wasn't as fun as you and I am ten times more fun." 

And cheating just a little bit Cas used his angel mojo to appear just behind Dean and grabbed the little boy and threw him in the air before catching him. Dean laughed hysterically and Sam and Cas joined in, their hearts feeling light as they enjoyed the sight and sound of a carefree happy Dean. 

The three of them played until the sun started to set and noticing Dean's eyes were getting heavy Sam announced that it was time to go back to the hotel room because Dean needed to have a bath and have dinner before bed. Dean held up his arms to Cas in mute question and the angel picked him up. 

Giving a little sigh Dean nuzzled into Cas's neck before asking, "Can we have cheeseburgers please Sammy? And Cas, could you stay with me while Sam gets the food please, coz I'm too tired to go any further." 

Both adults agreed and Dean smiled happily as they reached the hotel room, Cas and Dean entering and Sam continuing on to get the food.

When the Dean and Cas entered the hotel room, Dean asked if Cas could run him a bath so he could clean up before dinner. Smiling Cas nodded and they entered the bathroom, Cas running the bath and holding up some bubble bath for Dean. 

The little boy pretended to think before nodding his head enthusiastically, "Yes please Cas," the same response as every day for the past week. 

Cas then helped him undress and after he was happily playing in the bath went into the other room, "I'm right here Dean, make sure you make a lot of noise..." 

Cas and Dean finished the sentence together, "So I know you are all right." 

Dean laughed, "I know Cas you and Sammy keep telling me that." 

And Cas just busied himself getting Dean's clothes ready while laughing under his breath. Sam entered the room with a bag of cheeseburgers in one hand and a bottle of soda in the other and smiled at the sounds of splashing and rather loud singing coming from the bathroom. 

"You tell him to make noise again Cas?" 

Sam winced as Dean hit a rather piercing note, and standing in the door looking at a rather waterlogged floor, frowned. 

"I think you have more water on the floor than in the bath Dean." 

The wet child glanced at the floor then at his brother and smiled, "It's not my fault Sammy, Cas told me to make noise." 

He held out his arms for his brother to help him out. 

Wrapping Dean in a towel and carrying him out Sam tried to keep a serious look on his face, "And did Cas tell you to splash so much that most of the water is now on the floor, Dean? Cas and I have to clean it up." 

A dried and dressed Dean wrapped his arms around his brothers neck, "I'm sorry Sammy, I didn't mean it. I'll help you clean up." 

Going over to where Cas was sitting Dean wrapped his arms around the angels neck, "I'm sorry Cas, I didn't mean to make a mess." 

Sam and Cas exchanged glances, "It's all right baby boy, I'm teasing you," 

Sam knelt down in front of Dean, "I used to make more of a mess than that and my big brother used to complain too. But I know he didn't mean it because he loved me. Like I love you." 

Cas turned the little boy around so Dean's back was against his chest, "And I did tell you to make noise," 

Cas laughed, "Though maybe next time you might keep a little water in the tub." 

Dean nodded, "I'll try harder next time. Now can we have dinner please, I'm hungry." 

The two adults laughed at Dean's statement, he had promised to try every time and every time more water ended up on the floor than the bath. 

After eating Dean climbed up into Sam's lap for his nightly cuddle. 

"Night Sammy, I love you," the little boy nuzzled into Sam's neck as usual, "And thank you Sammy, I had fun." 

Dean squirmed down and went over to the bed where Cas was sitting and waiting. 

Climbing up beside the angel Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed his cheek, "Night Cas, I love you. Thank you I had fun." 

Lying down next to Cas, Dean wrapped one hand around his squirrel and the other around Cas's tie, "I really really really had fun." 

With that unusual last statement Dean promptly fell asleep, tired out from the excitement in the park, leaving the two adults to wonder why Dean had thanked them and told them he had fun. 

After several hours Sam and Cas were no closer to answers and even Sam was starting to feel the effects of a couple hours running after a very active three year old and could feel his eyes closing. Cas noticed and after gently untangling himself from Dean, stood up from the bed and told Sam he would be back in the morning. Sam nodded agreement and after stripping down to t-shirt and boxers slipped into the bed beside his brother. He threw an arm around Dean and smiled a little when he felt the warm body curl closer and he fell asleep his last thought that today was the happiest he had ever seen Dean.  
*****

Earlier that morning(Dean'sPOV)

Dean woke up before Sam and as he had for the past week, had to let his brother know he was awake. 

"Hey Sammy," he announced loudly and he hurriedly climbed over the body of his brother so he could get to his favourite part of his morning ritual. 

Dean stood up and resting a hand on the raised leg of his brother, excitedly called "Cas" and jumped off the bed even though the angel hadn't yet appeared. 

Dean laughed as he felt his angel catch him and laughed even harder when Cas threatened to drop him. Dean knew that his angel would always catch him and he was pleased when he felt Cas's arms tighten a little bit more when Dean said so. He felt a little bit worried when Cas said that he wasn't hungry and Sam agreed that they might have to stay and not have pancakes but he soon realized that they were teasing him and even though he didn't know why they laughed when he said he was adorable, he didn't mind because he knew it meant they loved him too. 

He quite happily linked hands with his two favourite people and walked along the street to the diner. He loved meeting new people and over the past week had made several new friends. Reaching the diner he couldn't help but blush when Wanda called him cutie but the embarrassment soon passed when their food arrived. He smiled in happiness at Wanda and settled in to eat. After they left Dean grabbed their hands again and was just thinking about what he would like to do, Sammy always let him choose and never ever said no to any suggestion, when a man called them faggots. 

Dean felt something snap in in his head and he knew everything that had happened to him. Even though he could remember it all the spell still wasn't completely gone and he was still mostly a three year old little boy. Who couldn't explain why he was so upset. When Sam knelt down in front of him, Dean knew he couldn't tell him what had happened. He was relieved when his brother picked him up, he wasn't lying when he said he was tired and when they reached the hotel room was happy to lie down and fall asleep. When he woke up he knew, without knowing exactly how, that he would be back to normal by morning and decided that he wanted to give Sammy and Cas the best day ever and to his three year old mind meant a good tickle was still the best fun. Almost as fun as being chased in the park, and Dean thought all his Christmases came at once when Cas used his mojo to appear behind him and he couldn't help laugh as his angel threw him in the air. 

By the time it was dark Dean was ready to drop and wanted nothing more than to cuddle Cas, have dinner and go to sleep. He was pleased when Sam agreed to get cheeseburgers and when they got back to the room asked Cas to run his bath. He couldn't help but say the warning that Cas gave him, it was the same thing every time and he sang and splashed happily, knowing that he only had a couple hours left. When he noticed Sam in the doorway he couldn't help but grin as he noticed the mess. He tried not to laugh when Sam pretended to be cross and after dinner knew it was his last chance to say anything. He knew that neither of them understood and knowing he was too tired to try decided to clear it up in the morning. 

After a couple of hours he felt his brother come to bed and knew it was almost time. Waiting until he was sure Sam was asleep, he slid out of bed carefully and headed into the bathroom so he wouldn't wake his brother up. He carefully took off his clothes, he recalled how he woke up a week ago with clothes that were too big on. He really didn't want to be on the opposite of that, so even though he struggled,he felt a sense of triumph as he managed to strip. Dean had enough time to give thanks that he was barefoot before he felt a shooting pain through every nerve and bone in his body. 

Dropping to the cold floor he curled up in a ball clenching his teeth in pain. He knew that Sam had felt bad when he realized that Dean had learnt early on not to make noise when hurt or scared but Dean was glad now for those lessons. He writhed on the floor as he could feel every part of him growing, and prayed for it to be over soon. After what felt like years, but was only 15 minutes Dean shakily reached up and grabbing the sink pulled himself up and glanced in the mirror to see his own, grown up, face looking back at him. He splashed some water on it and carefully walked out of the bathroom on unsteady legs. 

He reached into his duffle and rummaged around for some clean clothes and glancing at the squirrel decided he would look for one other item. After pulling on t-shirt and jeans he went back to his duffle and ran his fingers down the inside seams. Finding the spot he was after he felt around and pulled out the small wrapped bundle he had carefully hidden years ago and sat on the opposite bed to wait for morning. He turned the object over and over in his hands as he thought back over the past few weeks and while he never wanted Sam to know he had sold himself for money, he felt a huge load lift of his heart when he opened his eyes in this hotel room and realized that Sam knew. 

He blushed a little when he remembered what he had said to Cas but thinking about how little boy Dean was openly affectionate to his angel, knew that he had meant it. Smiling a little he decided he would take a leaf out of small Dean's book and take a leap of faith. 

Turning his thoughts back to his brother he smiled wider as he remembered how many times Sam told little Dean how his big brother had taught him everything and never got mad. Dean laughed silently at that, remembering all the times he could have cheerfully killed his little brother because he got angry and frustrated at Sam. His eyes glittered with tears when he remembered Sam calling him baby boy, he remembered how he good he felt when he called his little brother that and Sam wouldn't let anyone else call him that, not even Dad, and then how hurt Dean was when his little brother wouldn't let him either. It was almost as bad as not being able to cuddle his little brother, he died a little inside when Sam fought with Dad until he got his own bed. He glanced at the clock, it was nearly the time little Dean always woke up and big Dean was nervous about how his brother and his angel were going to react to having him back. 

And the feelings for his angel that he was going to admit too.

Dean checked the time again and sighing a little with trepidation, stood up and placed the wrapped bundle on the bed behind him and walked over to the other bed where his brother was still sleeping. 

He stood carefully checking his position and sighed again before he spoke, "Hey Sammy," he said slightly above a whisper but he could feel his brother stirring behind him as he called slightly louder "Cas" and just like little Dean took a leap of faith, but instead of jumping just took two steps and wrapped his arms around his angel and kissed him. 

And not a little peck on the cheek. 

He could hear his brother behind him stammering in confusion and simply lifted his hand in a "Wait a minute" gesture that Sam had seen before. 

Dean broke the kiss and lifted his head long enough to say, "I told you yesterday Cas. You are my angel and I trust you." 

He bent his head and kissed Cas again lightly, "And I love you," he grinned, "And you still haven't dropped me yet." 

Dean heard Sam laugh and Cas opened his eyes that had been shut since Dean first kissed him to find that he had his arms wrapped tightly around Dean's waist. Blushing the angel dropped his arms and tried to move away only to find himself caught by Dean holding his tie. 

"It still works I see," Dean smirked and giving it a gentle tug pulled the angel down on the bed next to him. 

"You're not going anywhere Castiel, I'm not finished with you yet," Dean smiled at him before reaching down and picking up the bundle he had placed there earlier and turning his attention to his little brother.

"Okay, first I remember everything," he blushed as he recalled the last time he was in this room as an adult, "And I want you to know Sam, if you hate me and want to leave I'll understand. But it was my decision to do what I did, I was an adult, I knew what would happen and although I never meant you to find out I'm not sorry you did, but I am sorry about how you found out and if Dad had been a better father I wouldn't have had to that." 

Dean laughed bitterly at Sam's expression, "I know, Sammy, you never expected ME to say something like that, but this past week as given me a new insight into the way Dad raised us. And it sucked." 

Dean sighed as he was lost in memories.

Sam shook his head, "I don't hate you Dean and I'm not going anywhere. This past week has been an eye opener for me. I woke up last week to find out I was in charge of a three year old and I would have freaked out even more if I hadn't been raised by the best person I know," Sam smiled, "You Dean, I just thought what would Dean do for me and I did that. Everything I said, everything I did was all you Dean. I have never slept the same since I threw a fit about having my own bed, and I sometimes miss being called baby boy. Even though if you were to start calling me that now I will punch you in the nose." 

Sam looked down and saw the stuffed squirrel and picked it up, "I never knew you had one just like this Dean, but my heart broke when you told me you were too old for a stupid stuffed toy. I remember I had a stuffed moose that you bought for me, and you fought with Dad when I left it behind one day by accident. Dad wanted to leave it but you ignored him and ran back into the room to find it for me. I took it everywhere with me. Even my first day of every school." 

Sam sighed, "I remember when I came home from school when I was about 7 and I threw it at you and yelled that everyone called me a baby because I had a stuffed toy and I hated it and I hated you because I was a big kid and didn't need it. And I told you I never wanted to see it again." 

He glanced up at his brother, "Did you know that I lied Dean, I waited until you left the room and I searched for it. I cried because I couldn't find it and I couldn't ask you because I knew I had hurt you even though you didn't say anything." 

Sam looked at Dean when he started to laugh, "Baby boy," Dean started teasingly, "All right, sorry Sam, I have something I want to show you." 

He started unwrapping the bundle he still held in his hands and held it out to his brother, "I believe this belongs to you, baby boy." 

Sam reached out and was stunned to see that he was holding his moose. 

"How, what, how?" 

Dean laughed as his brother was stunned speechless. 

"I kept it Sammy. I have had it since that day you threw it at me. You couldn't find it because I had it. I was worried that you meant what you said and I thought that if I kept it I could pretend that you didn't mean it. I carried it everywhere with me and when you went to Stanford I used to sleep with it on the pillow next to me. I always hoped that one day you might want it back." 

Sam looked at his brother and standing up suddenly caught Dean off guard by lunging across and knocking him down onto the bed in a huge hug. 

"Hey Sammy, no chick flick moments," Dean complained, "Ow, what's that for?" as both Sam and Cas punched him in the arm. 

Cas pulled Dean up after Sam got off him and wrapped an arm around his hunters waist. 

"That Dean," Cas almost growled the words, "Is a cuddle and that is what you have been doing to us all week." 

Dean blushed a little at the words and shyly ducked his head, "You're not going to hate me or anything are you? I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable." 

Cas and Sam exchanged glances and punched him again. 

"Of course we don't hate you Dean," Sam started, "I for one liked having awesome brother cuddles again. I missed them. Even though you were a jerk sometimes and kept 'forgetting' stuff and coming back again and again until I was almost crying before you remembered Sammy hugs." 

Sam hugged Dean again and snarled in his brothers ear until Dean hugged him back before sitting back on his bed and picking up his moose again. 

Dean sat up and squeaked as Cas wrapped his arms around the hunter and kissed him the way Dean had earlier pushing him down onto the bed. 

Breaking the embrace Cas asked "Does that look like I hate you or that you make me feel uncomfortable, Dean?" 

Blushing Dean didn't speak, couldn't speak as he was returning the kiss. 

Sam cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Ok guys, I'm still here." 

Dean and Cas laughed but sat up and kept their arms around each others waist. 

"All right Sammy, I'm getting hungry anyway," Dean laughed, "I suppose we can't really go get chocolate chip pancakes can we. Or at least I can't." 

Dean turned to Sam and proved that even though he was an adult again he could still do puppy dog eyes. 

Sam groaned again, "Seriously Dean, you say I can con people with my so called puppy dog eyes. Who the hell do you think taught me?" 

Dean laughed as Sam continued, "How about we head out, stop by the diner and I'll get the pancakes and say goodbye to Wanda for us and we can eat on the road somewhere?" Dean and Cas thought about it for a minute before agreeing. 

"Sounds good Sam, too many people know us as two adults and a child and I for one do not have a good explanation for why we are now three adults and no child. Even though I will miss not being able to say goodbye to everyone." 

Dean looked a little sad at that thought, "Even though this would have to be the weirdest week ever it was still the best week ever. You were the best older brother a younger brother could have Sam. I love you." 

Dean turned to his angel, "Cas, I love you and I want you to stay with me. I'm not much good with relationships but I would like to try with you, if you'll have me?" 

Sam was the first to answer, "Dean, if I was the best older brother it was because MY older brother was the best and he taught me everything I know. I had a great time this week too, weird yes but still a lot of fun. And I love you." 

Dean looked at Cas who was sitting silently while the brothers had their moment. 

"I have eaten chocolate chip pancakes every day for a week for you Dean. I have carried you and you have cuddled into me while you slept. For the past week you took a literal leap of faith every time you jumped off the bed trusting me to catch you, even when I wasn't already in the room. You told me yesterday I am your angel and I would never drop you. Today I am telling you that you are my hunter and I love you. Let's take a leap of faith together and try a relationship." 

Dean whooped ecstatically and kissed Cas quickly before grinning at Sam, who smiled back. 

"I love Cas, Sammy and even better Cas loves me."

Sam laughed at his brother, "It's about time you admitted your feelings Dean. I am so happy for you both. Now how about breakfast?" 

Sam grabbed his moose and tucked it carefully into his duffle bag, before grabbing the rest of his stuff, smiling as he watched Dean do the same with his squirrel. 

Making sure they had gotten everything Sam excited the room followed by Dean who was leading Cas out by his tie, laughingly saying, "It kept you beside me all week, you think I'm going to stop now?" 

Cas laughed back, "I can take my tie off Dean, I did it once before. If you really want me to stay, I suggest you hold my hand instead." 

And the angel laughed louder as Dean quickly dropped the tie and grabbed his angel's hand and they hurried to catch up to Sam and the start of the rest of their lives together.


End file.
